Julio 2005 Archives

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Unfortunately for me biking was only one time this week. And now tomorrow doesn't look good either. Blast

Update. Tomorrow did look good. On Saturday afternoon I managed a nice playful ride on the ridges from Brainerd to Higway 2A in N.Ga Some nice climbs around Rossville and enough speed to constantly wonder if my tire was flat, my brake was dragging or if it was just me slacking and feeling slow.

Lance I am not. About 16 miles in about 1.10 I am not training to be an endurance race like these guys. Just ejoying the ride.

An exended quote from Brendan Manning’s "Ruthless Trust".

‘If we say we have no sin in us, we are deceiving ourselves and refusing to admit the truth” (1 John 1:8). We live in a society that luxuriates in the therapeutic and the exculpatory, condemns judgment as authoritarian, dismisses acknowledgement of sin as an assault on self-worth, and resists discernment of spirits as the imposition of arbitrary standards. The devastating consequences of these societal shortcomings is the perennial Gnostic retreat from personal responsibility.

If we avoid any confrontation with authentic guilt, we stifle personal growth. If we continue to blame others for our weaknesses and failures, we refuse accountability for the present direction of our life. Although self-pity thwarts self-acceptance, wearing the scarlet letter V (for victims) allow us to take the moral high ground.
…..
In a world where the only plea is “not guilty,” what possibility is there of an honest encounter with Jesus, “who died for our sins”? We can only pretend that we are sinners, and thus only pretend that we are forgiven.

To knife through our pretense, cowardice, and evasions, to see the truth about ourselves and the true state of our souls before God – this requires enormous courage and ruthless trust in the merciful love of the redeeming God. Put simply, sin must be acknowledged and confessed before there can be forgiveness and real transformation.
Page 170 – 171

This very well expresses what I am grappling with in my life - in so many ways.

We were in Atlanta with my sister earlier this month when all the kids got the vehicles going. Liliana and her cousin Alicia are getting very comfortable with the trikes.

Enjoy.

Thanks to Ron from Medium - all the old entries from my blogger days are now posted within the context of this site. A seamless continuity of writing spreading back over almost 5 years (ha - with fairly regulary months-long breaks interspersed). There are some pictures missing that I will have to dig back out and post over the next few days but otherwize - its all here....

The Chattablogs front page presence has given this blog more presense than the old blogger account ever had, so it is with some reservation that I let you know all that writing is out there. The posts started as "kid spotting" entries that went along with a larger site. Journal entries on that site quickly became very personal and were pulled from public view, even though there are many more of them. Then in 2003 I started thinking more about postmodernity and emergent church and posted thoughts on those themes. Then last year I started trying to write every day. That lasted through the summer and fall, until Marialice and I started Sonship - and the writing got very personal and private again.

And now - we're writing on a more regular basis again. So enjoy.

Lance Armstrong has not been a perfect family man, but this picture certainly captures the wonder of sharing glory with those that matter.

Congratulations to a champion who has shared with those that mean most to him. July won't seem the same without his winning. And dig the shoes.

Two refletions on my kids this evening.
1. Antonio has had a litlle 12 inch bike for more than a year. (we got it for christmas last year) He is certainly ready for a larger bike, but seeing him on the little bike is sooo great. His little legs keep up this incredible pumping speed in order to keep up with his Sister and the rest of us - but he does it great. In fact, I'm sure he maintains a higher cadence on that bike than I ever could. We were out riding tonight with Bryant and Claire Haynes on the new - oh so cool - riverwalk, when someone started to pass us. The man said - "Boy that Antonio looks like a two stroke!"

2. Elena was talking to her mom about her summer. She told us that her favorite thing about the summer was reading. After reading enough to get a free book at the bookstore, she didn't want the second grade book that was available. She wanted to get "the Fledgling" which was targeted to 4th or 5th grade. She reminds me so much of my sister Madelle, who started reading so voraciously in her first grade year that her favorite book was Lorna Doone - which I think was simply a full blown adult novel that had mistakenly been stuck in the elementary library.

No - I'm not bragging about my kids. And yes someday I'll get around to posting some pictures.

Ever since getting the news about Asher Mendonza, and seeing the wonderful way a community has been built around tha family through what Leda did on the Asher Blog I have been impressed with the value of project blogs. I have loved the way Andy and Gloria, Leda and others have been able to keep a continual posting, providing details and reflections, serious and anectodal, timeless and timely. And then the comments! It has been wonderful to participate actively in a group of individuals from around the world that are obviously concerned about the Medonza's and are willing to demonstrate that by posting comments back to the blog speaking of thier specific prayers and encouragements. Frankly, I am often uplifted by reading the way others are encouraging Andy and Gloria. (I also enjoy seeing the names of folk I know and hearing of the ways their lives intersect with the Mendonza's..."I didn't know that you were Asher's preschool sunday school teacher...").

Now I assume that this could all be done on an email list - where folk could ask for Andy to send them regular updates and respond directly to him. But the "buy in cost" for the casual observer seems pretty steep - especially in a day when we try to guard our in box as much as we can. In addition - the outsider would never see the responses, and woudl never be able to feel part of the broader community of faith surrouding somone like the Medonzas.

In my world of church - one of the biggest projects i see folk undertake is raising support to become missionaries.

In the ten years of our marriage I've had a pattern of trying to manage our relationship. A nefarious pattern. In the aim of trying to smooth our path, I'll make sure that Marialice doesn't know things that would cause her trouble. The last bite of ice cream eaten, well, I won't tell her I ate it and we won't have that conflict.

What I have come to realize is that once you are in a management cycle - you can never escape the manager. All press statements have to be approved by legal, all images have to managed by P.R., every issue has to be spun by the mental flacks. The manager has to control all your communication. The altlernative of course is that the real truth might come out.

Of course, those more well versed in the relational arts will know what this does to immediacy and intimacy - it's managed right out of existence. The smooth path is the dead path.

So - in the past few months, we have taken a committment to honesty - and to disclosure. It hasn't been easy, there are times I've swallowed hard and opened my mouth, times where I've been walking away - thinking "I'll figure out how now to talk about this" and had to turn around and go back... "hon... we need to talk". But even in the storms of radical honesty - on the horizon a clarity and depth is appearing.

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

Psalm 139: 23 - 24

If you read this metaphorically as connected to my relationship with God - you'd be on the right track.

Tonight, Liliana said somthing about me going to my house. We have a great tradition whenever we get in the car. She asks me "Papi, are we going to my house?" I say, "No - we are going to my house!" She screams, "NO - I want to go to my house..." and on it goes as all the others laugh.

But tonight was the first time I've heard her articulate that I might live in another house. I guess indeed that she think I live in the cubicle farm downtown. What a life...

I have a really great string of luck with my left hand. In the past 10 years I've cut my thumb on broken glass - 6 stitches, been bitten by a friend's dog - no stitches, and run a handsaw across the back of my knuckle - 4 stitches. And all to my left hand.

If you play guitar you'll know the strange perversity that dictates the hand that does the most work is your left hand. I guess beginners that just play three chords think that strumming is more work and so that is why strumming is done with the right and the left hand is on the fret-board. But as you move very far at all beyond basic chords, the dexterity and strength of your left hand dictate the quality of your playing. Same should be said for the physical integrity of your left hand....

Yesterday I was trimming our hedges when out of nowhere I felt the sting of a hornet - first in my head and then in my pinky finger. Of course - the pinky finger of my left hand. Later in the night we exterminated a nest about the size of a soccer ball that was hanging on my neighbors side of the hedge. But now my left hand is about twice the size of my right and itches like crazy.

And of course - Jim Ward called me yesterday afternoon to ask if I could play bass at Curtis Grogins' funeral today. I think I can manage that, but it certainly means there will be no bike riding for me today.

Why....Always my left hand?

Andy Crouch would say that is Grace.

From the days before RE:Generation quarterly, one of my favorite voices of the neo / post / past church world has been Andy Crouch. His address last week at the Christy Awards banquet for Christian fiction is such a spot-on statement of what art should be. And this at an address given to the purveyors of everything I think is wrong with the institutional evangelical world… Wow.

…as seen through the adoption of one family’s journey.

Here is the scene: Mom a packing maniac…thinking, planning, shopping, organizing for the 3 week stay at Crusade staff training in CO. Dad the engineer…looks at the piles in amazement and goes into problem solving mode.. how to make it all fit with the four children and be able to take a bag out for overnight stays on the way to CO. Kids in wild abandon of their thrill of the adventure that lies ahead…travel, friends to see, water parks to attack…why are mom and dad not smiling?! Whew! All is packed the family hits the road for the long journey. First stop, St Louis to see some precious friends. BUT GOD….

Months before in another women a child was conceived. She couldn’t possibly give this child what she wanted to with a life of poverty and moving from city to city trying to find work. What should she do?! Her country and friends would not understand. Children are a gift, they are precious… I must give this child life… but she cries out what am I to do?!

Somehow she meets a lawyer who knows and represents numerous families awaiting the adoption of a child. She gives birth to a baby girl and decides she wants this child to be placed in a home where they have none. She pages thru the bios of these 8 or 9 that he has, BUT GOD…

She just wants to see the families with kids too. One look was all it took, a family of 6—the first three natural born, the fourth child adopted almost 3 years ago is African American. THIS is the family I want for my baby she exclaims!

The lawyer calls my friends…I have a baby girl for you! What--- we are almost to St Louis all packed for a month in CO?! After dinner with friends and much prayer they turn around. Didn’t God want them to go to CO for the training? Their staff so full of love and grace encourages them to follow God’s lead and go be with their little one. Go home..get her…be the family I have called you to be~ I delight in you now delight in what I have given you!

What a God of every detail and promise. He is so good!

I've been in Cincinnati for the last few days and have been really dismayed by the city. I don't know the history, but at some point the 5 - 6 blocks closest to the river were completely razed - and replaced with interstate highways, parking lots and gargantuan stadiums. I don't know what was there before - whether it was run down manufacturing or warehousing or flood destroyed homes. So I can't judge. But now - there seems very little attention paid to the river. It seems very difficult to get from downtown (where we are) through the roads and stadiums to the river. And even when I did make my way through the obstacles - the riverfront was very much fenced off and seemed the province of only the homeless.

What a difference from Chattanooga - with the huge investment in the improvement and development of great civic spaces along the whole expanse of riverfront facing the city. Say what you will about the River City Co - I'm proud of their vision.

Now there may the those who say I was completely looking the wrong way and that there are wonderful civic spaces just a stones throw in another way. But since I'm always drawn to the water - I was disappointed.

My goal has always been to write about each of my kids at least once a month. And so now that I'm back from going Garver for six months, I return to the habit with two interactions we had with Liliana.

1. Last night Liliana did not want to go to bed. She was throwing quite the fit, so Marialice lay down in her bed to sing and hold her. After Liliana calmed down some, Marialice started to get up. "No Mommy, don't leave me!" screamed the little girl as she grabbed Marialice and made sure she didn't move. Lay back down, sing some more, wait for silence, and repeat.... "No Mommy, don't leave me!" This went on for a while, until Marialice was just wiggling a little bit to see if it would get a reaction, before she tried to get up and leave the bed. Out of nowhere - Liliana announced "Ok You can leave now!"

2. Tonight at dinner, Liliana turned to me with all serousness and stated, "Papi, sometime can we buy a baby brother?" I laughed, because the notion is pretty much desired by all but me. When Marialice heard what Lili was saying she piped right in saying it would be a great idea. Antonio on the other hand was categorical, "No, I'd rather just rent one."

I was biking home from work yesterday.
(This post is really just an excuse to show off the totally geeked out Google Maps interface that maps out a bike route. My long route home from work is here)
Usually I am pretty attuned to road noise, cars coming up behind, dogs approaching from the side, greetings from my boyz in the hood.... but yesterday as I was huffing and puffing up Missionary Ridge from Glass Street I didn't hear anything at all, alone in the pain of climbing the crest. Then out of nowhere, exploding in my ear: "How's it going." I fell off my mountain bike and the road biker powered right up the hill and left me in the dust. Man I'm envious.

The fam moved to DSL at the beginning of the year and one side consequence was that we lost the free web space with Mindspring. So the site is no more. Having loved what Chattablogs does I decided to sign up here. Hopefully soon the site will look more groovy and the old Blogger entries will find their way over here.

Thanks to the guys at Medium for the service. You guys rock!