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6 de Marzo 2008
Memoir - Chapter 9: A theme from scripture
Note: This is part of a larger series. Start here to read the whole thing.
Several weeks ago on Sunday I was struck with amazing force by the scriptures. with messages that hit me hard.
In the gospel of Mark the story is told of Jesus and his disciples on an ocean crossing:
On that day, when evening had come, he said to them, "Let us go across to the other side." And leaving the crowd, they took him with them in the boat, just as he was. And other boats were with him. And a great windstorm arose, and the waves were breaking into the boat, so that the boat was already filling. But he was in the stern, asleep on the cushion. And they woke him and said to him, "Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?" And he awoke and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, "Peace! Be still!" And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm. He said to them, "Why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith?" And they were filled with great fear and said to one another, "Who then is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?"
I heard this in a Sunday School class, and it struck me how completely I identified with the disciples. Christ has called me to a path, and along that path has brought this great storm into my life. I am in the midst of a storm and I really need Jesus to show up. I need to see the clarity of the quiet sky on the horizon behind the storm, but Jesus is asleep on a pillow in the stern. Silent, Absent, Un-voicing. And so I cry out against him, accusing, recriminating: “Don’t you care about me?” or maybe truer “I don’t feel you care for me, you almost kill me and then you don’t do anything..” That is where I am.
After calming the storm, Jesus turns to his disciples and asks why they fear, whether they still have faith. These are pretty amazing and difficult questions. In the face of death, rocked by a storm... fear.... faith? It seems so very normal to be consumed by fear and have not faith. But I think what Jesus is getting at in that comment is that in a storm our call needs to be “help me in this moment of need!”
What keeps me in anger rather than breaking down in need. Is it maybe because there is not enough fear? Am I rightfully aware of the fear in my heart toward what might lie ahead, or is my fear aroused when I face the truth of my savior? When everything in my heart wants to cower in fear, or shutter itself in isolation I am being asked about my faith, about my willingness to step out in trust, asking for help. I fear that! What if nothing happens. I fear that.
So I continue identified in my storm, identified in my angry recriminations, conscious of my faithless fear, asking God to help me believe, asking for an end to my unbelief.
| By rob | 10:26 PM
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