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Enero 29, 2008
Memoir - Chapter 6: Getting Kicked in the Chest
Note: This is part of a larger series. Start here to read the whole thing.
For Thanksgiving this year we drove to Peoria Il, to Marialice’s family. I took the mountain bike. Peoria has some great trails in the hills that climb out of the Illinois river valley. There was an organized ride on Saturday that I wanted to join. But I wanted to escape the cramped house on Black Friday and I didn’t want to shop. So I put my bike on the back of the van and drove to the forest preserve.
I got dressed, put the bike together and rode up the double track dirt road. It followed a creek up a tight valley, past fields and through trees. In about 10 minutes the road went through the creek 3 times. I was enjoying a cool sunny day in the woods. My pace was leisurely, I wasn’t out to be rushed or work hard. I was looking for side trails I might explore, thinking I’d get to a group of trails I’d seen the last time I rode in the preserve. I wanted to circle them all the way back to the bottom of the valley.
Right after the third creek crossing I stood up to push myself out of the ford bottom. Suddenly I noticed a strange dizziness, a light-headed absence. I felt no pain, no darkness, no lack of balance, I just knew something wasn’t right. I barely had time to identify the strangeness when my chest exploded. The shock hit me hard, it pushed the air out of my chest, I saw stars and felt warm. I didn’t fall off my bike. As I pedaled slowly trying to figure out what was going on - it hit me again. I took off my glove to try to get a pulse. With my fingers on my throat I felt the pulse slow and steady, but then it wasn’t there… BAM! It fired again. I got shocked 5 times.
I stopped and stood up over the bike and took a deep breath. A million questions running in my head. I realized that no one was around me. I heard other riders in the woods, but how long would it be before someone found me? I didn’t know if I had the cell phone in my back pocket. But did I even have coverage? Was this a malfunction of the defibrillator or was something going on in my heart? Was I an idiot or just unlucky?
I turned around and slowly, very slowly pedaled back down the valley. Through the three creeks and back up to the van. As I was putting the bike back on the van another woman was putting her bike together. Instead of asking her for help I made petty small talk about it being a beautiful day to ride. What would she do if she knew? I started to steel myself - no one should know about this. I started convincing myself I was ok. I wonder what I looked like. Was I white as a ghost?
I drove to the nearest town, slowly, but surely. I called the family when I got to the grocery store. I got the grocery list before talking to Marialice. “Hon, I need you to know something. It went off. I just needed to tell you.” I explained the incident and shared her grief. We hung on the phone for a long time while I wandered through the aisles. We talked about how hard this felt, to have been given the green light, and then have it snatched away. A darker side of this reality began to emerge. What could I really do? Was the bike riding really being taken away?
We found later that my heart had been in arrhythmia. It had jumped up to 230 beats per minute five times in a row, and every time the defibrillator had jammed it back down to 120. Again, I was grateful that the machine worked. But a whole new set of fears emerged.
I think I still assumed that the whole problem was caused by my stupidity on a long hot ride. I assumed that if I was smart and careful I’d never get in trouble again. I assumed the defibrillator was insurance, but wouldn’t ever be needed. I was wrong. We started thinking of how lucky I was even in this incident. I was on a soft dirt road and wasn’t riding the narrow lanes of McCallie avenue surrounded by rush hour traffic. But should I go there? Things get darker.
Posted by rob at 10:20 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
Enero 28, 2008
Memoir - Chapter 5: The Doctor
Note: This is part of a larger series. Start here to read the whole thing.
I went back to the Cardiologist in early November. This is a letter I wrote to my friends and family after that visit:
I wanted to write in some more detail this afternoon about my discussion with the doctor on Friday. This was the first time I had been back to see him since I left the hospital. Naturally I had lots of questions, and mostly what I got was good news. Let me tell you about it.
In the hospital Dr Salerno had found a cardiomyopathy –and in my research, all the athletes that die on the field suffer from what is called hypotrophic cardiomyopathy. (Essentially a thickening of the heart muscle, or enlargement of the heart). The marathon runner that died at 5 miles of the Olympic trials two weeks ago suffered from this. Well that is not me! Mine is a dilated cardiomyopathy, which means my heart doesn’t pump out completely. And it is a mild case. Now less is known about this case, including exactly what causes it, and whether there is prognosis toward it getting worse. However there is treatment, toward ultimately correcting the issue – and that is the medication I am on.
Another unknown is whether this is familial – or genetic. Doctor Salerno does not think I need to be concerned about my kids at this point. We will continue to watch my EKG to see if abnormalities persist that could be found easily in them. But my concern for them has greatly eased.
We then turned to lifestyle, and to exercise. I had accepted that high intensity exertion was not in my future at this point. The defibrillator I now have would interpret high intensity as arrhythmia and try to shock me out of it. But I asked Doctor Salerno if there was risk of long duration low intensity work. Frankly – this is the sort of activity I have enjoyed. I am not a sprinter or a racer – I enjoy the long ride at lower intensity. He cautioned me that electrolyte imbalance can bring on the arrhythmia that I suffered on October 6. I knew that, and will be much more careful with hydration and nutrition during rides. But when I asked if long duration would affect the cardiomyopathy he said he did not think so. There is no definitive knowledge here (no long term studies, etc).
Then Dr Salerno told me to go back to cycling. But to take it slow, to be careful with keeping my heart rate under 75% of max and to pay attention to what my body is saying to me. He told me about other patients who have continued active lifestyles combining their running with the monitoring of heart condition.
As you may imagine this is huge news for me. I celebrated this afternoon by heading out to the hills of missionary ridge for my first hour on the bike since that Saturday. It felt great to rush down and power up the hills. I monitored my heart rate after climbs, and recognized that I was pushing too hard. I will probably invest in a monitor to alert me constantly. But after an hour I felt great. I don’t think I’ll be doing centuries again, but I certainly am going to enjoy riding. Friends asked Marialice if she was worried about my return to the bike. She has seen how much I love and enjoy riding, and has been hugely supportive. Her joy with me has been a great thing. (so these friends said they would worry for her…).
All this good news comes in the midst of the darker reality. I did suffer a major cardiac incident. I did almost die. I have been diagnosed with a condition that in serious cases requires heart transplants. I am forced to depend on the technology of a defibrillator. In the midst of a very strong moment of my life this weakness has been exposed. All these things have emotional impact that I am slowly unpacking. But tonight, the emotion is gratitude. I’m happy to have flown down the back of Shallowford road and then climbed back up the hills to our house. I’m happy to hug my wife and walk with my kids. I’m happy to listen to a soccer game and look forward to good work tomorrow. God has been good, and I am grateful.
Sincerely
Rob.
Posted by rob at 10:10 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Enero 24, 2008
Backwards Blogging
When I wrote my last cryptic post Bob responded asking what I was talking about. I haven't been blogging regularly over the last few years and so I'm now going back and writing through the last 4 months. Somehow blogging about anything older than yesterday doesn't seem right, but I want to write about the last 4 months. The format of memoir is exactly appropriate, but I'm working through how to put it in place on the blog. So I've back dated posts back to November and December.
Here is what I have in place so far about Heart Trouble and responses.
Prelude: The Year's Rides!
Chapter 1: Memor of a Heart Attack
Chapter 2: The Hospital
Chapter 3: Strength and Weakness
Chapter 4: My Dad
Chapter 5: The Doctor
Chapter 6: Getting Kicked in the Chest
Chapter 7: Where is God in all of this?
Chapter 8: Emotional Differences
Chapter 9: A theme from Scripture
Chapter 10: Three incidents in February
Enjoy.
Posted by rob at 03:27 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
Enero 17, 2008
Nice to be here
Someone who I don't often see at work stopped me in the parking lot. He said "I know what you've been through, and I just want to say its good to see you. It's good to have you around"
That felt good.
Posted by rob at 10:02 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
Enero 02, 2008
But I don't feel heavy
The kids were playing with their cousins, Hannah and Ester. Somehow Liliana was told that she was really heavy. When she reported the statement to us, she added, "but when I pick myself up, I don't feel heavy, I'm light!".
Posted by rob at 09:40 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack